Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Young Love

         In honor of Valentine's Day, I want to make a completely fashion-free and irrelevant post about some of my earliest childhood crushes. Two of which were robots, and one of which was a cardboard cutout. I couldn't tell you why I had a thing for the non-human and emotionless. Maybe it is through some strange and faint Oedipus complex because my parents are the emotional equivalent to robots and I learned affection from cats.

Who didn't love Eric Von Detten?! I did, until he was a total jerk in The Princess Diaries. I also lost interest after I had a somewhat awkward encounter with him in a dream. Technically, as Brink Eric would say, "its nunya," but I need to let it out. I was on a bike path in the woods and noticed a shirtless, hunched over guy off the side of the trail. I walked over and noticed it was Eric. Something was wrong so I gently placed my small hand on his back. however, I quickly removed it after I noticed he was covered in a clear greasy film and he had some faintly rainbow back hair. Needless to say, I was pretty grossed out and never saw him the same again. I think it was some sort of premonition because if you look at pictures of him all grown up, he is really stinking greasy.  

Botly, from the computer game Jumpstart 3rd Grade. He was so cute, smart, and nice. I wasn't actually intelligent enough to play this particular disk, even when I passed third grade, but I loved peeping over my brother's shoulder when they played (I had really smart brothers). There was one level where this mean pig-tailed blonde girl kicked him out a window. In complete shock, I inconspicuously backed away from my brothers chair, ran upstairs, and cried in my room. 

Does anyone remember this movie? I don't. But I do remember seeing a scene where a bully punched the guy on the left, Chip, in the stomach. Luckily, because he was a robot, the guy punched solid metal and only hurt himself. I never forgot about Chip or that scene. I think I fell in love. I also think I developed unrealistic expectations for needing a guy with abs of steel.  

Jeff Gordon. Other than seeing Jeff in commercials, I vividly remember my mom pushing me in a cart through Target. At the end of one of the toy isles was a life size cutout of Jeff Gordon. I specifically remember turning in his direction and reaching out (mentally because my mom was there), longing for him to come with me. Unfortunately, I had no control, as I was in a cart. I suppose that was the only downside of the golden cart riding age. I will never forget you Jeff. 

Looking back through these guys, I see a little of my Valentine, D, in all of them. D is athletic like Eric Von Detten in Brink, and Princess Diaries. He is smart like Botly. He *almost* has abs of steel like Chip. And lastly, Like Jeff Gordon, D's real name is actually Jeffrey.  

1 comment:

  1. I never knew that story about Botly hahaha this is great